i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Randomize
