I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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