I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
