Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Welp...herpes.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize