wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
