Swine flu. Run for my life!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
