Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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