when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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