So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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