the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
