i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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