yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
