Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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