Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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