You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You don't make any sense
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