just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Randomize