I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
