great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The adults are the big ones right?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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