if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
