im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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