SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
