After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
