im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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