Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
