youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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