I'm going to jail i love you
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
