A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
