i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
