I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
