Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
