I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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