I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
