Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
