Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
