Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
