So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
