i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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