hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
