Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
