then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Buhtt sex?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
