So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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