Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize