I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
