i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My breasts were aching with rage.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
