we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
