Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You can't motorboat a personality
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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