I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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