things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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