literally had 100 drinks last night.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
