Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
