Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
