I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize