I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
