This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
