you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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