btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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