I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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