So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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