My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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