Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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