i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She's JV to your varsity
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
50% drunk capacity currently
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
