Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
