tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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