Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
