He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
