Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
