I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
