OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
