Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
