It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
