my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
