so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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