she was so not down for the gang bang
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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