Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
