Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
