Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
