Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
