As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i've created a new STD.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
