NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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