you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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