Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
