i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
