Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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