Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
