i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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