with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize