I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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