Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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