Are we in a gay sports bar?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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