Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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