I showed him my bush... on skype.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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