theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Houston, we have a squirter
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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