she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
