Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize