apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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