ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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