Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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