There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
