I wish I could punch you in the face.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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