well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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