ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
