Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
