In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
