Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
