I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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