can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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