When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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