Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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