just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
