You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i out mim tonsoeep
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